The Death Of A Modern Man

"A Modern Man"

«I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke free. A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist, politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I've been uplinked and downloaded. I've been inputted and outsourced. I know the upside of downsizing. I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high tech lowlife. A cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker, and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I'm new wave but I'm old school, and my inner child is outward bound. I'm a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer, voice activated and biodegradable. I interface from a database, and my database is in cyberspace, so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive, and from time-to-time, I'm radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging a bullet, pushing the envelope. I'm on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. I got no need for coke and speed, I got no urge to binge and purge. I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high concept, low profile, medium range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps.

I'm a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab, and in denial. I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up, you can't dumb me down. 'Cause I'm tireless, and I'm wireless. I'm an alpha male on beta blockers.

I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever. Laid back but fashion forward. Up front, down home, low rent, high maintenance. Super size, long lasting, high definition, fast acting, oven ready, and built to last. I'm a hands on, foot loose, knee jerk, head case. Prematurely post traumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate mail.

But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing. A supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly, and lactose intolerant.

I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the f word in my email, and the software on my hard drive is hardcore, no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a mini mall. I bought a minivan in a mega store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I'm toll free, bite sized, ready to wear, and I come in all sizes.

A fully equipped, factory authorized, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle. I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed, and I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal. Lean and mean. Cocked, locked and ready to rock. Rough tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow. I go with the flow. I ride with the tide. I got glide in my stride. Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin', jivin' and groovin', wailin' and winnin'. I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal, and the rubber on the road. I party hearty, and lunch time is crunch time.

I'm hanging in, there ain't no doubt. And I'm hanging tough, over and out».

George Carlin (1937-2008)